Relief

Relief

Reflections of an Artistic Mystic

Shelley Irish, 12/12/18

A lot of things felt like a breath of fresh air this week. I painted standing up for 3 days out of the last 2 weeks. That is so freeing and happy for me to be that far along in my recovery from the car accident in April. I feel so much more confident in my physical ability to heal, it is such a great feeling to have the hope of health. My students are working on fun things, embroidery and a painting about love. I had some steady and new people from the healing art tribe reach out to me recently and I am feeling so appreciative of my community.

Relief for me is coming by way of just rolling with it and not giving a shit about putting so much pressure on myself. I have been feeling like this screaming light beam flying up and kind of mind boggled about the things that used to be so normal to me but I feel are not healthy for me anymore. The car accident has taught me a lot. It has taught me to tell people about being in pain and asking for help from people other than my husband. 

On a personal level that has been a beautiful teaching, a challenging teaching, one that I feel I’ve finally gotten a bit of a handle on. This week was a bit rocky, I retook some products pics of a couple tote bags I already photographed, had to take time away from painting to manage some health logistics again, didn’t finish listing new products so I don’t have anything new to sell online for this holiday season. Oh well. The sky is not falling. There is something right with me, I was kind and balanced with myself rather than my business goals overtaking my self care. I got a heartfelt newsletter done sharing some tools for healing, got a bunch of product photos taken, and put in a sketch of a landscape in the Venus of Willendorf painting. The muse flowed ~ 

I’ve been so hard on myself for so long. I’ve felt bad about my progress as one person for many years, so counter-productive, goodness. I had so many ideas about how things could be easier and different, not so lonely, not so much for me to do, in pressuring myself to make enough money to hire employees. & I feel I’ve been trying to put a Shelley shaped shape into another sized hole for too long. I feel the biggest change since the accident is coming into my own grace. I am only going to go for putting the Shelley shaped shape into the Shelley shaped hole from now on. I am coming home to myself. I accept myself as one person and that work gets done at the pace of my health. I have plenty of art in all price ranges to sell in person and online every day. What I have in my business is enough. I have another job that pays my bills, my art does not have to completely support me now, and maybe not ever. Maybe it doesn’t matter. I feel giving myself a break on all that pressure is the biggest positive change that has happened in my business. I know how to feed us well for little, I have another job with consistent income, and my husband has stable, enriching work. The survival mode I was in for so long in my 20s and early 30s doesn’t really apply anymore, but patterns are sometimes hard to break and I am finally feeling at least a really good bend. Our move to Seattle was really good for us. I feel comfy. It feels good. 

A spiritual message I got before the accident was telling me to chill the hell out and not make myself sick with my drive toward my goals. I did reduce my schedule and make good changes. Since April, I haven’t been able to paint standing up consistently, haven’t been able to work at a regular desk or right handed on the computer mouse. I haven’t been able to maintain my regular art fair schedule, or do oracle readings publically because I can’t sit comfortably without a bunch of additions. This balance – of not pushing myself to do things I can’t physically do right now, while being so very aware of how not being able to make money in those ways makes life more stressful and harder to heal – has been a tricky dance. 

The pressure I put on myself to work is well founded. I make money doing what I love and it is glorious. I don’t desire much more than the basics, and mostly just really appreciate that I do have consistent income from my art, teaching and spirit arts that I can count on at this point in my career. I also appreciate how when my art does well I can splurge more on goodies at the grocery store, have more ease in travel to see my family, and for getting little treats for myself and loved ones, I can give more. For income made on art, I have right livelihood. That alone is one of the best forms of wealth of the heart that I have experienced.This time of not being able to do parts of my job has also been like not being able to see a friend. It’s been weird. 

Now, as I step back in, with all the learning, all the lessons, all the love and care that has been shown to me in my healing, with all the improvements, I feel relieved. I am loved. I am held. I have time. I have helpful healers. I have connection. I can say I am hurting and ask for help. My dedication to my work in the past is supporting me now. It’s not all up to me. Feeling myself getting closer to fully being able to physically do what is up to me is sweet, sweet glory. 

((( ~ feeling this moment ~ )))

<3

Thanks for listening. 

Cheers to a glorious week, 

Shelley